NaBloPoMo Day Sixteen: Liam...

 Man, I don't even know what to say. I turned my phone on about an hour ago, opened Google (a horrible decision, really) and get greeted with this...

   I will never forget the feeling of reading "One Direction singer, Liam Payne, dead." Dead. DEAD. It felt like a bullet to the heart, I couldn't speak, could barely breathe. Of course, first thing I do is go to Google, search "Liam Payne" and try to see if any other news outlets had also reported it, praying it was one of those cruel hoaxes for views.

   News flash, it wasn't; beautiful, incredible, talented Liam is gone, for real...

   I was sitting across from a close Directioner friend who could tell I was in shock from the look on my face and immediately asked what was wrong, to which I choked out, "Liam Payne just died." She was as shocked as I was and reached for my phone to see it for herself.

   The next thing I did was open to my social site of choice, Quotev, to see if my other Directioner trenchmates knew about it. They did and I ended up texting them to talk about it.

   The eeriest thing is the last post on Liam's Instagram is a tribute to the late filmmaker, Morgan Spurlock—who worked on One Direction's 2013 documentary, This Is Us—and now, who'd have guessed it, he's gone, too...

   I know Liam has problems, the extent of which we'll never truly know, but despite them, he brought so much light and love into our lives. I've been a Directioner for three years, it's been a wild, crazy ride that I wouldn't have missed for the world. I met a whole friend group through them, they helped with my depression, got me through a situationship.

   I don't feel sorry for Liam, because I know he's in a better place and he's out of pain now, but I feel sorry for myself and several million other Directioners today who loved and adored him so much. My heart goes out to his parents, his sisters, his girlfriend Kate, and baby Bear (who I just realized is seven and hardly a baby anymore, man, does time fly).

   Not to fandom-mix, but I told my friend I was sitting with as I sat there in shock (I didn't cry then, but that'll come later, I know) that it was "Cam all over again", of course referencing the sudden and earth-shaking death of Disney Channel star Cameron Boyce.

   It's crazy how things change and how quickly. A week ago, Where We Are and Forever Young were released on 1D YouTube. Fourteen days ago, Liam and Niall were talking in Argentina after The Show: Live On Tour. Just days ago, we had hope for a reunion, now even if it does happen, it'll never be right.

   I'll get off my soapbox now, but I just felt I had to say something, Liam was too precious not to. I'll probably have trouble listening to 1D for a while following this, just like it hurt to watch Descendants or Jessie after Cameron died, but I won't ever stop loving One Direction or our boys.

   We kept OT5 in our hearts even after Zayn left, we will keep OT5 in our hearts now.

   If it's humanely possible, I think we should try to get One Thing to 820,000,000,000 by the end of the year, in honor of Liam. I'm gonna try the best and watch it all I can.

   Sorry if this is crazy and all over the place (I know it is, but we'll have to live with it), but I had a lot of thoughts I had to get out. Y'all stay safe and remember that you're so loved by me and the Lord (I know, I try not to get too religious on here, but it's the truth).

   Love you, goodbye...🥀🕊️